What I Learned From Horror Movies

If you ever find yourself in a horror movie situation.....always
remember this.

1. If you say "I'll be right right back".......you're not coming
back.

2. If you decide to sit in a the chair in the middle of a old
dreary cob-webbed room, and the door closes behind you.... it's
not the wind...and you might as well sit in that chair, put your
head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye.

3. If your not famous you might as well commit suicide.

4. The person you hate most will always be the one your stuck
with in that life-or-death situation.

5. If you make a new friend your will be the one to ethier find
their mutalated body or see them being killed, while your
helplessly tied to the table.

6. Black dudes alway die first.

7. When the mood of the music changes, RUN LIKE HELL!!!

8. Never, under any cercumstances go to the
BASEMENT.......Hello, darkness, boxes, pipes.........Where is
the first place your killers gonna hide????

9. If you suspect your husband or boyfriend is the killer, but
your best friend tells you your crazy.....she's wrong, he is the
killer and you're next...........DUMP HIS ASS!!! There are other
fish in the sea.

10. The person you least expect weather they stutter, are
small,"too" young, or act timid......they are the killer,
specially the retarded younger brother or sister.

11. When you are being chased in your house by the killer, and
you have two options....the door outside or upstairs.....please,
for god-sake don't go upstairs.

12. If there is a killer in your dreams that has a burnt face
and knives for hands, it's time to buy coffee.....I mean come
on, haven't you seen Freddy Kruger!

13. Attacks by your killers are always after watching a horror
movie.

14. There is always someone in the house that is killed before
you are, then you find them, scream, and run straight into the
killer......SMART ONE!!

15. If you get a phone call, telling you to check
outside.......why bother???? They've already found a way in.

16. if you get an anonomous call from someone breathing
heavily....no, it's not your kid brother playing tricks.....and
it doesn't help to try to call the police cause just as they
pick up, the phone will go dead.......and they will come and
find you mutillated in the living room.

17. If your companions walk out of the room to get something,
you better get out of that damn house, forget them their long
gone.

18.The idea of safety in numbers, does not, I repeat DOES NOT
apply here......eventualy one of you will have to go to the
bathroom.

19. Screaming won't help.......usually your in the middle of the
woods in a small town.

20. When check noices......bring some kind of a
weapon.........no matter how old the house is, or how hard the
winds blowing....Noices don't just happen.